Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
