My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
