ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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