What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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