kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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