Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
