I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
