Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
