sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
