but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
