So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
