Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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