oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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