maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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