How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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