Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
how drunk are you?
Several
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
