the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
