'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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