8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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