Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sarcasm needs its own font
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
