marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
