Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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