So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
