i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Still dying that you shit outside
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
