So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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