i don't like sucking hair
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
