dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
