omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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