I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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