I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
