high people should be assigned attendants
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
