No awkward lesbian experiences without me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
