at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
