just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
