me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
