She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
