I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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