Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
