I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
