Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
