Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
