Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
