I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
