Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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