Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
