hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
