She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
