i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
