Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
