We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
