Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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