I wish I could teleport
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
