I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
