Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
